Research time!

So, this isn't to say that I haven't been researching... this is more of a - hey you have 5 weeks to get your stuff done show me what you're working with, thing.


So 5 weeks sounds like both an insane amount of time... and absolutely no time at all!
I have a bunch of reading to get done, interviews with people to set up, record and transcribe. Basically I would love to say

Week 1: Reading- Women's Ways of Knowing, Mediated, articles by Turner and van Gennep
Week 2: Interviews- general stories, polls, clip into sound bits, etc.
Week 3: research media construction of college life/real world/adult world, etc. and it's affects
Week 4: Delve into the personal story, be it mine or a better one I've come across. Get the focus of the piece and begin to brainstorm the story from there.
Week 5: More reading based on what I've come across, synthesizing, finalizing, etc.

But in reality I know that not only am I not really a scheduled person, but interviews are messy and organic and will not all happen in one week or at one time. Researching and finding that *perfect* article might not happen till week 4 and then everything changes from there. As of right now I have a general idea, a theme, a single story (mine) which has sparked my interest... but going from there I need help. Not only help from the people who are before and after me in the documentary, but from my students, my peers, my mentors, and most of all my friends.

I need to talk things out... which also makes me feel like I need a tape recorder out constantly to document the epicness that happens when me and my friends get together.. but I'm a brainstormer. I'm an idea person. I love making connections, but sometimes I miss the obvious.

Overall my story is about transformation. That AHA moment that one reaches. In America we generally act as if that AHA moment will happen to everyone and that's when you grow up. That's like your own right of passage. That's when you become an adult... but that's such a ridiculous notion. I know mine wasn't until I had one of my favorite professors tell me I was aimless, a disappointment for letting my immense potential go to waste by just floating along, and also if I didn't figure things out soon I'd end up a toothless hooker in South America. I was near tears. This man whom I respect and admire deeply, just told me I would go no where in life. This was also after he had told me that I would probably sell out because I had no goals and would become a great success because I can use my great charm to get my way, but I'd never be happy because I never would have done anything worth while. After this insanely depressing conversation I called home looking for solace, only to have my mother (the one person who has always supported me 100% no matter what) tell me she basically felt the exact same way. After that I told my roommate about both conversations and she agreed. I was horrified. This whole time everyone I knew and respected had seen me skating along and never said a word. They all apparently wished better for me, but never told me. Never pointed out my short comings. It wasn't until I called up another friend I had recently met that everything really clicked. He basically told me that they were crazy and that I could do whatever I wanted and I'd be great. For whatever reason this was what I needed to hear. It hit me that yes these people knew the "old" me... but there was (and could continue to be) a "new" me. A me that actually gave a damn about her future, and her goals, and taking every opportunity to learn and to never sell out and end up a toothless hooker in South America. That was all I needed to start realizing that yes, they were right. I was aimless, careless. I would smile and get my way and boy was I good at it (and I should be! I'd perfected it over the past 16 years in school). But I had a chance to actually be an active participant not only in school, but in my own life. Everything started falling into place. I found that the concept of race and racism is really interesting to me (it sounds weird saying racism is a passion of mine... but I guess that's kind of what it is). I have had the smallest amount of drama in my whole entire life. I found amazing people who I'll be friends for life with. I discovered I want to teach, because to change the system you must understand it, and to understand it you must be a part of it. Basically this AHA moment has changed everything. I think the best part of it all was at the end of last semester when I handed in my final to my professor (the same one who sparked this whole AHA moment). He told me that he knew I'd had a really hard time this semester. He knew no one had ever pushed me and that's why he did, because he cares. He told me that I reminded him of the emperor's new clothes story, and that he needed to tell me to put some clothes on before I went out and embarrassed myself. I thanked him and told him he had no idea how much I needed it, he smiled and said he did because he'd been there too. He then shook my hand and told me that my new clothes looked wonderful and that he expects a gloating email in the next 5 years telling him how wrong he was about me and how much I'd accomplished in that time. He better believe he'll get one.

Now based on that one little tiny blip of a story, I'm going to research till I can't see, listen to interviews till I can't hear, transcribe and take notes till my hands cramp and think and brainstorm till my head hurts over the next 5 weeks and turn out something pretty amazing in the end.